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bizzard

Old sayings.

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As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

He couldn't hit a cow's bum with a banjo.

Standing round like one of Lewis's

Always keep your hand on your ha'penny.

That'll come in handy when your rissoles wear out.

More (insert anything appropriate) than Soft Mick.

Money can't buy you happiness but I'd rather be rich and miserable than poor and miserable.

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A favourite saying in the Yorkshire coalfields used to be "Don't piss up my back and tell me it's raining" so if you suspected someone was taking the mick, as they often were, your response would be  "Is tha pissing up my back?".

Another that springs to mind is "Ee doesn't know whether to stick or twist"

Someone not of sound mind might be described as "not having all his/her chairs at home" I still don't know what it means.

 

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57 minutes ago, carlt said:

As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

I have a mate, Andy, or Peg, given his lack of leg. One drunken evening I challenged him to an arse kicking contest, he went first, took his fake leg off, and did a karate kid kick and booted my arse into the snug! 

I didn't bother returning a kick, he'd won his pint! 

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5 hours ago, Mac of Cygnet said:

Wis yer mither a teuchter, then?  "Oh, who licked him and called him crab-face?"

Not Teuchter, but almost. Her father was a drum Major in the Gordon Highlanders, so he would have marched in front of the Pipers.

As for the expression, you are almost there, exceopt that her translation of licket was hit, or punished.

As you have probably gathered, she spoke a mixture of English, Scottish Gaelic (prononced Gallic by her) and Doric, all in a very thick gutteral accent. We all understood her, but many other people thought she was central European, and her married name (Schweizer) supported that misconception

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1 hour ago, Jon57 said:

She was only the welders daughter, but had acetylene tits

she was only the fishmongers daughter but would lay on the slab and say " fillet "

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11 hours ago, carlt said:

 

Standing round like one of Lewis's

 

I may not be at my sharpest at this time of the morning, but I'm unable to comprehend this one. What does it mean?

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My missus said a classic recently. A chap bundled past us wearing a big bright, checquered coat and she just casually said:

 

" that coat is wearing him"!

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52 minutes ago, Athy said:

I may not be at my sharpest at this time of the morning, but I'm unable to comprehend this one. What does it mean?

Doing nothing, being lazy.

Lewis's was (is?) a big department store where the sales folk were accused of standing around idly chit chatting rather than dealing with customers.

 

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1 minute ago, carlt said:

Doing nothing, being lazy.

Lewis's was (is?) a big department store where the sales folk were accused of standing around idly chit chatting rather than dealing with customers.

 

Gotcha, thanks - John Lewis', then? 

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2 minutes ago, bizzard said:

I'm browned off.

Now there's one I had not heard in a while - my Mum used to use it.

A bloke I knew at university, from Leeds I think, used to call it "racked off".

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10 hours ago, David Schweizer said:

Not Teuchter, but almost. Her father was a drum Major in the Gordon Highlanders, so he would have marched in front of the Pipers.

As for the expression, you are almost there, exceopt that her translation of licket was hit, or punished.

As you have probably gathered, she spoke a mixture of English, Scottish Gaelic (prononced Gallic by her) and Doric, all in a very thick gutteral accent. We all understood her, but many other people thought she was central European, and her married name (Schweizer) supported that misconception

Yes, I meant 'licked' in the sense of 'hit'.  Living near Ellon and teaching in Fraserburgh, I had to learn the Doric.  Even now, after over 40 years away, when a strange car passes us, I say "Fa's at?" and Mrs Mac replies "Da ken!"

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14 minutes ago, Athy said:

Gotcha, thanks - John Lewis', then? 

No, Lewis's was a department store chain in the North of England which I think is now gone.

 

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7 minutes ago, carlt said:

No, Lewis's was a department store chain in the North of England which I think is now gone.

 

I remember my gran saying she got this or that at Lewis's in Liverpool. In Duke st I think she said it was.

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And there's the blasphemous ones.  Good Lord,  Christ almighty. Jesus Christ and the famous one that Americans utter when in a state of great awe,  Oh my Gud.

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