Jump to content

Swans attack


PD1964

Featured Posts

2 hours ago, AllanC said:

Seems I can't spell either. It should have said...........I've heard a swan can beak a man's ar$e

 

swan peck.png

Ah so that is "swan upping" . Hence the need for a drink after.

We once hired a punt on the River Cherwell and joined the continuous flotilla down around the islands. On a punt just in front of us the swan had taken exception to a lad in a striped shirt who had to fend it off with the paddle. They disengaged and continued their cruise until on their return when the swan sailed past the other punts straight to the lad with the striped shirt and resumed the attack.

Don

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Murflynn said:

I've often wondered if there's any truth in the rumour that a swan can break a man's arm.

Does anyone know if it's true?  :unsure:

 

Which swan? And which man were you thinking of?

There is a skool of thought that only one swan can do this, and only to one particular man. All the rest of the incidents are of swans beaking a man's arm rather than breaking it, but then again, maybe swans can't speel. 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

52 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

Which swan? And which man were you thinking of?

There is a skool of thought that only one swan can do this, and only to one particular man. All the rest of the incidents are of swans beaking a man's arm rather than breaking it, but then again, maybe swans can't speel. 

I think that sums up this thread quite nicely.

Well apart from not addressing the issue of why a swan can´t break a woman's arm. Or beak a woman´s arm. Or ar$e.

 

Finally I get to 200 posts. I was determined to do that before the end of today, especially as it is the 2nd anniversary of buying our boat. Thus maintaining the impressive average of 100 posts per year of boat ownership.

And now on to year 3.

Edited by MrBeethoven
Add stuff
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, reg said:

I often worry that I've missed something I should be worrying about. 

The whole point of social media and 24 hr news appears to be that it allows you to maintain your list of things to worry about. 

I'd never seen the point of social media before but now I understand.

It´s a bit like the advertising industry which exists in order to ensure we don't make the mistake of accidentally thinking that we already own enough stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, MrBeethoven said:

I'd never seen the point of social media before but now I understand.

It´s a bit like the advertising industry which exists in order to ensure we don't make the mistake of accidentally thinking that we already own enough stuff.

......but what about the poor swans? They don't have access to social media. Even if they could afford an eye phone, how the heck could they use it when they spend all their time trying to break Men's arms, which now we are led to believe they cannot do.  Bit unfair I think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

Ah but WHICH woman!!! :D

Or should that be 'witch' woman?

(MtB ducks and runs. Or should that be swans and runs?

Nice wine this...)

Now I'm totally confused

How have we got from

A swan can break the arm of a man

To swans can only beak the ars e of a witch woman 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Copied and pasted from Facebook earlier today. Posted by Mr A. Swan.

"When a dog attacks...

We (that is, me and my mates) were quitely paddling about in a group by the bank when this hostile narrowboat crewed by a shouty arse and his aggressive dog pulled in and threatened us with a gun. We obviously hissed a bit because he drove his boat directly at us and the dog looked menacing, never mind the gun. He was shouting 'you swans are two a penny and my dog is worth thousands'. We were terribly traumatised by the event, who do he complain to... CRT? What's the score with us beaking the legs of his dog? We would prefer to stay within the law though, and are considering engaging solicitors to pursue a class acrtion for damages for shock. Any advice most welcome"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I had a Crufts winning super pooch I valued with £ signs rather than love as a family pet, I would keep him on a lead anywhere I believed he might be at risk. He'd only be at risk from  swans if he was near their young or nest and they felt the need to defend it. 

If I had a pooch I valued as a family pet and whose financial value was irrelevant, I would still keep him on a lead anywhere he might be at risk.

If you can think far enough a head to take a gun, you can think far enough ahead to take a ruddy dog lead. 

  • Greenie 3
  • Happy 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Dr Bob said:

......but what about the poor swans? They don't have access to social media. Even if they could afford an eye phone, how the heck could they use it when they spend all their time trying to break Men's arms, which now we are led to believe they cannot do.  Bit unfair I think.

Course they do, what about Twitter, invented by Buzby back in the 70s.

Edited by rusty69
  • Greenie 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Swans are docile creatures most of the time but when they are protecting their young, they are highly aggressive. I'm a regular kayaker, I've had several run ins with them. You can see the aggression, the swan puffs its wings out and pulls its neck back into the gap between the wings, and attacks. Once it's decided to attack little will stop it. I've had to fend them off with my paddle a few times (gently, Queen, if you're listening). If I see them in the distance I'll turn around because having one attack you isn't much fun. They will still go for kayaks in the distance but can'tswim as fast as you can paddle. If they think their young are in immediate danger they will take off and head straight for the threat. This hasn't happened to me, I wouldn't like it to.

Interestingly, canada geese behave almost identically.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

bad news for you Gareth.  It is a well-known fact that a kayaker's paddle shaft is not as strong as a man's (not telling you witch man, but he knows who I am torqueing about) leg, and Stephen Malley (Mr Asbo) has been practising his technique these last few weeks.  As for suggesting they can't swim as fast as you can paddle, I can assure you that when they get in 'hydroplane mode' they can do double your best speed with the extra threat of a terrible wing-on-water thrashing noise.  Stephen is currently on tour and can be expected to visit most locations over the summer holiday period.  Contrary to your suggestion, Stephen thinks that attacking you is great fun and is looking forward to the opportunity to meet you in person.    .............................   be a frayed      ..............................   be very a frayed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having firmly established through the collective wisdom and expertise of the forum members that 

Swans cannot break your arm but that they can only beak the ars e of a witch woman 

My faith in the collective  wisdom has now been shaken by this insider revelation from the supergrass Stephen Malley (Mr Asbo).

 I also find it shocking to find out that swans also sell pills and stolen electrical goods, nobody told me that. 

Earth shattering as it may be is it possible that definitive answers given in other forum threads may also be incorrect? 

My world is spinning. 

  • Greenie 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Dr Bob said:

......but what about the poor swans? They don't have access to social media. Even if they could afford an eye phone, how the heck could they use it when they spend all their time trying to break Men's arms, which now we are led to believe they cannot do.  Bit unfair I think.

They do have access to social media, Facebeak.

  • Happy 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 05/08/2017 at 23:48, Phil Ambrose said:

Someone on our marina took to destroying a Swan's nest near her boat, likewise a goose nest. Somebody reported her which resulted in a visit by the RSPCA and the Police.

The boater got lucky and got away with a caution 

Phil 

If they were Canada geese then there's no problem with destroying the nest, or addling the eggs. They're an invasive non-native species. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, WotEver said:

If they were Canada geese then there's no problem with destroying the nest, or addling the eggs. They're an invasive non-native species. 

Are you certain of that.  The following quote is from the Non Native Species Secretariat.

Canada goose is listed under Schedule 9 to the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 with respect to England, Wales and Scotland. As such it is an offence to release or to allow the escape of this species into the wild. However the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 affords legal protection to all birds, their nests and eggs.

Note the last sentence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Jerra said:

Are you certain of that.  The following quote is from the Non Native Species Secretariat.

Canada goose is listed under Schedule 9 to the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 with respect to England, Wales and Scotland. As such it is an offence to release or to allow the escape of this species into the wild. However the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 affords legal protection to all birds, their nests and eggs.

Note the last sentence.

Yes I am sure, but the caveat is that it must be on your own land, or land that you manage, or with the landowner's permission:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/wild-birds-licence-to-take-or-kill-for-health-or-safety-purposes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.