Victor Vectis

From Python & The Holy Grail: King Arthur: I am your king. Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you. King Arthur: You don't vote for kings. Woman: Well how'd you become king then? [Angelic music plays... ] King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king. Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away. I'm not saying that Lizzie Windsor hasn't done a good job over the past 60 odd years. The question that needs to be asked is, is it a job that is revelent for the 21st century? President Attlee as head of state. Now that would have been something worth celebrating!

I never voted for any of 'em!

Buy him a drink from me when you can.

Well, I suppose it is a share boat, after all.

Come on Nick. Just admit it. You're bored again. Has that last lot of painting dried? OK. Get the tin out, open the lid, give the paint a stir and find something that needs painting. Then just sit back and watch it dry.

Lets hear it for the Bevin Boys.

They were for the whole week we were there. It strikes me as a bit inconsiderate not to contact CaRT if you've booked but changed your plans.

I booked the Rembrandt Gdns mooring for a week when booking opened before Christmas. Both moorings were empty when I arrived, apart from a short boat tied up at the Paddington end. The bloke said he hadn't booked but he would be moving off in the morning, which he did. According to CaRT's website the moorings were booked solid but I arrived on a Friday and had both moorings to myself until another boat arrived the following Wednesday. In the meantime a couple of boats turned up and, seeing the other mooring vacant, phoned CaRT to see if they could tie up but were refused as the mooring had been booked. I went to the CaRT office in Little Venice to see what was what but was told that bookings are handled by Limehouse and to contact them about booking. Strange or what?

OK. Egg on face time! But hindsight is a wonderful thing. Changing the subject, slightly. A Tweet repeated on the radio last week: "The DUP. Making UKIP look scientifically literate"

Hmmm, yes. Our Chortoling Bog Monster, as our dunny has been named by friends, is very picky about the paper it will digest.

Oi! I thought that was my job.

Sounds like you have a blockage in the pipe between the macerator and the tank. What are the connections between the pipe and the tank? If they are iron, as ours were, they may have corroded and furred up internally causing a restriction and perhaps blockage. Does the outlet pipe run 'uphill' between the macerator and the tank? This too is bad news. In the end I think you will have to move the bowl forward to get at the macerator, take it out and dismantle it to check it isn't blocked. Be prepared for, ahem, blowback from the outlet pipe! (You my wonder how I know this) You could then try poking a drain snake down the outlet pipe to try and clear any blockage but I've never had much success with this. The most effective way of clearing a blockage was when a boatyard made up a connector for a hose on the outlet pipe and used water pressure to force the blockage into the tank. I don't envy you this task. Good luck!

I'm normally asleep when iPM is on Radio 4 but I was up and about, listening to the radio, yesterday. The program is brief, anonymous snapshots of people's day to day lives emailed or sent in by text. This was broadcast yesterday: "I saw my Muslim neighbour washing his white van. I went out to shake his hand and we shared the last of my cigar. We agreed that in these troubled times it is important for the good guys to stick together."

Yes. The people who had the boat built have the pub at Red Wharf Bay on Anglesey. I suppose it should really be called 'Traeth-coch' And the cat, yes she's ours. Called Violet.

I'm glad I live in a country with strict gun control.